I find that there still are wedding planners/advisers who hold to very old – some would call them “traditional Victorian” – views on where people should sit at a wedding. For example, the bride’s side is the left facing the front of the church/venue, and the groom’s side on the right. The challenge is that different religions have different traditions as to which side the bride and groom stand on and hence which side the guests sit on. This is sometimes presented as a rule to follow. Knowing what rule or custom to follow can get quite confusing!

Above: Photo on the left, a Christian ceremony. Photo on the right, a Jewish ceremony.

My advice, regardless of whether or not you are attending a ceremony in a church or other religious space, is to not worry or become obsessed with which side for which side! As for the couple planning their weddings, don’t stress out over where you guests sit! There really is no right or wrong way. What is “right” is having manners. Here is my advice:

Remember that close family will probably be seated in the front two rows on either side. These may be roped off as ‘reserved’. Leave the first two rows available for close family and make sure you follow any directions that have been laid out for guests.

When you arrive – and guests should arrive at least 15 minutes before the start of the ceremony – seat yourself closer to the front. This will leave the back rows for the late comers and give the room a sense of fullness. Photographers love it when their pictures give the sense of many welcoming guests even if it is a small wedding.

If you are unsure, ask! There will certainly be someone from the wedding party or a family member who can help you out.

Last year, at the White Wedding Chapel, a couple had this sign printed up for their ceremony. I just love it! “Pick a seat, not a side!” Good advice for all marriages as two people and two families become one! Where you sit is not important. What is important is the continued support of family and friends in the years to come.

All the best!

Jordin

 

PS: Don’t forget to check out our website at Niagara Falls Wedding World. For location weddings in the Hamilton/Burlington area go to Hamilton Wedding World.

As a new wedding season begins it’s time to talk again about wedding etiquette.

There is a very old notion about brides – that they are always late and it’s ok! Really? Since when do we think it is appropriate to keep invited guests, many who have traveled great distances to your wedding, waiting? Unless there are extenuating circumstances, a late wedding start signals two things to me: poor planning or a lack of respect for a whole lot of people.

The good news is that most brides are on time and very considerate of their guests and service providers. Since I became the Wedding Coordinator 4 years ago for Niagara Falls Wedding World, I’ve handled over 1000 weddings and have been present for at least half of them. I am happy to report that for the most part brides are on time. In truth, it’s usually a guest who is late, stuck in traffic or lost.

Yet, we all have horror stories about brides being late. There are a couple that stand out in my mind. One was when both the bride and groom were over an hour late! Their relatives were panic stricken thinking they were dead in a car accident! In truth, they were at the casino!

Recently I heard another story from one of our officiants where the bride had her wedding at a lovely conservatory but she was almost 2 hours late! When she finally arrived, half her guests had left!

We like to think that the wedding day is all about the bride, but in reality, it’s not. There is so much more going on which brides need to remember. Every late minute affects so many other people including your guests, the officiant, the musicians, the photographer and videographer, your caterers and even the location where your wedding is taking place.

With our busy modern lives many times people have to fit a few events into an already busy day.Your guests may have to drive a long way back home, they may even have to go to work. The officiant may have another wedding or even an unexpected funeral. Many times photographers, videographers and musicians have other weddings to go to as well that day. I have seen these service providers leave to move on to their next engagement and they can’t be blamed for that!

As well, your caterer is on a strict timeline so that everything is ready to go out to your tables for your dinner at the right moment. If you are an hour late for the ceremony or even just half an hour, it can throw everything off in the cooking process and could even ruin an appetizer. Venues and officiants will often have more than one ceremony booked and if you are more than 30 minutes late (sometimes as little as 15 minutes) you can expect to get bumped to the next available time slot and/or charged an additional fee. I know it sounds harsh but everyone is on a tight schedule during wedding season!

So what can you do to make sure that you don’t ruin your day by being late? Here are a few tips that come from my experiences with weddings:

1. Make a list of everything you are doing the day of the wedding, at what time it is scheduled to take place and how long it will take. This includes hair, makeup, lunch, travel time. If you’re getting ready 20 minutes away from your location, plan to be ready to go 30-40 minutes ahead to allow for last minute adjustments, etc. I recommend a wedding planning book as a must have accessory! And please make sure your driver knows exactly where s/he is going. I’ve seen a lot of lost limo drivers!

2. Ask your hair stylist, makeup artist, etc how long things will take. Knowing that your hair will take 2 hours and will run into your make up time is good to know. Move appointments to earlier in the day if your schedule shows that you might be late for the ceremony. And don’t forget, you are probably not the only bride having her hair and makeup done that day! So don’t be late for these appointments either. Have your cell phone with you and call your service providers if you are running late.

3. Don’t party hearty the night before your wedding. Its seems to be a tradition that rehearsal dinners take place the night before and now even the bachelor/ette party. This is not the best idea. Book rehearsals and dinners two nights before and plan other parties 2-3 weeks before. The night before the wedding, relax, take a long bath, and go to bed early – and not drunk. In fact, you should avoid excessive alcohol a few days before the wedding. Both alcohol and a late night will dry out your skin and makes you look older. You want to look fresh with no dark circles under your eyes or bloodshot eyes! You have a long day ahead and you’ll need all the energy you can get.

4. Have everything laid out the night before and make a list for this too. Have your dress, jewelry, the licence, the rings, your shoes all set to go. Also, get everyone’s cell phone number. Check the weather forecast and have things like an umbrella ready if the weather is not looking great. Don’t forget your glasses in case you loose a contact and, if your plan is to be taking photos without your glasses please remember to bring them to sign the license! Pack anything you think you may need, even some non-drowsy antihistamines if your allergies are acting up. Leave yourself enough time just in case you need to make an emergency stop at the drugstore!

5. Relax! This of course, is easier said then done. If you have ever read or watched ‘The Secret’ they give a great example of how rushing spirals out of control. Just thinking that you are running late, makes you late. It starts off simple by sleeping in. This stresses you out. So you run to the bathroom, but because you rushed, you stub your toe . . . and the spiral just keeps going. So, if you are running late take the time to count to ten slowly, breath in deeply and then go.

6. If you are running late, tell someone. Everybody runs a bit late, especially on a big day. But what’s worse, is being the person who is waiting for you and not knowing what’s going on – remember the couple who everybody thought was in a car accident?If your ceremony is 4 pm and you know you will be arriving at exactly 4 pm, call someone who is there. Get the phone number of your officiant, the photographer, the coordinator, anyone who’s day really is revolving around your wedding and tell them, “I will be 15 minutes late, sorry about this!” Not only does it go along way in showing you’re considerate of other people but it allows everyone working in the background to adjust accordingly. Most people are accommodating when they are given a heads up.

Let me end by offering my own personal saying. I am one of those people who is always on time, in fact I’m early. I always say: “If I’m early I’m on time, if I’m on time I’m late, if I’m late, then I will give you a call, if there’s no call, I’m dead in a ditch!”

All the best with having an on-time wedding! Jordin

As a child I hated sending thank you cards.  My mother would always ask me, “Did you send your thank you cards?” and I’d always groan and say, “I’m working on it!” only to eventually forget.

But when I got married this past February, I couldn’t wait to send out my thank you cards. I had them in the mail as quickly as possible; I believe with in a week or two of receiving a gift.  It was so much fun picking out the cards and writing them up!  A completely different feeling altogether then sending thank you cards as a child.

I’ve come to realize how important it is to say thank you with a handwritten note in a timely manner. When it came to getting married I did not want to be rude or ill-mannered.

Today I’m going to give you 10 tips about the etiquette around writing thank you notes so that you don’t come across as being rude. These tips will also help you be organized so that you can get your cards out in a timely manner. Etiquette experts advise that you should get your thank you cards out to everyone a.s.a.p., within a week or two and definitely no longer than three months.

If for any reason you can’t make this deadline, it is always in good form to send a thank you note, regardless of whether it’s six months or even a year later. But don’t push the limit as gift givers are waiting for their thank you card! At the end of this post will be a link to my Pinterest board that critiques thank you cards.

Tip One

Keep the wedding card and gift together until you are ready to write the thank you note. This will help you when writing out thank you cards so that you can mention the gift, (e.g. “Thank you for the lovely toaster. It looks great in our kitchen!”) and make sure it goes to the right person!

Tip Two

As soon as you open a gift try to write the thank you note. If you do this first thing you will not become overwhelmed. Some brides list out the gift and the gift giver and bring thank you cards along as they travel to their honeymoon and get started right away.This way the cards will be ready to mail as soon as you get home and your thank yous will be out in a reasonable time.

Tip Three

Resist over-the-top thank you cards that seem to be all the rage of late. What people appreciate most is the note inside. For my thank you notes I purchased some cute cards from a card store. They had two mice on the front carrying a huge strawberry together. It reminded me that marriage is a partnership and both people share the joys and the responsibility of the challenges.

Tip Four

Although, technically, you only need to send thank you notes to those who gave you gifts, please feel free to thank people who did not give you a gift. You might wonder who would have the nerve to attend your wedding without coming with a gift in hand!

These could be, for example, many different folks: people who could only afford the travel to your wedding but not a gift; if yours was a second marriage and had a “no gift requirement” on the invitation, a thank you note for attending is most appropriate. And don’t forget, one must never invite people to any celebratory event expecting a gift! That’s just bad form! The two of you as hostess and host should never expect a wedding gift as you are inviting and entertaining those who out of the goodness of their hearts are attending! For a well mannered wedding dismiss any expectations or sense of entitlement!

Many couples have a thank you on the table at the dinner. This is a wonderful idea but don’t forget to specifically thank those who travelled a distance to your wedding. Go the extra mile/km and send them a thank you note.

Tip Five

Always use proper language when writing to those who you do not know personally or who you know are very formal (e.g. your great aunt Elvira).  This includes using the salutation, “Dear so and so,” and ending in a formal manner such as, “Sincerely”.

Tip Six

Say ‘thank you’ twice.  The first thing you should say is, ” Dear Sylvia, Thank you so much for your . . .”  And the last thing you should say, “Again, thank you so much for the lovely . . . and kind thoughts.” Something like this reflects your sincerity.

Tip Seven

If you receive cash as a gift, say something like, “Thank you so much for your gift. We will be using to purchase patio furniture or toward the downpayment on a house or lawn and garden tools and equipment because we just bought a house!”

Tip Eight

Always mention the wedding card in your thank you note. Even if you just say, “Your wedding card was lovely!”, it works. Many people put a lot of thought into the wedding card they purchase or make by hand.  (We’ve all seen those ladies in the card aisle.  Reading, putting back, reading, putting back, for half an hour and wind up getting the first card they picked up anyways!) So please try to make a point of mentioning the card: “The doves were pretty. I loved the Celtic cross on the front.The message was beautiful.” Simple statements but very thoughtful.

Tip Nine

While pre-printed thank you cards are popular right now they are really in bad taste. The message you send with a pre-printed card is that you are too absorbed in yourself to take the time to thank someone for going out of their way and incurring an expense to be at your wedding. Please show your guests that you are a thoughtful and considerate person by sending a hand written note. I would almost recommend that if you have been recently married or will soon be married and you sent out pre-printed cards without a handwritten note that you take the time to send a proper note to your gift givers. That would be very courteous!

Tip Ten

While getting married is a most wonderful experience, approach it with maturity and respect for yourself. Do not sign your thank you cards, “Mrs. John Smith.” You have a name, please use it and wear it out! If you are going to be using your married name, please consider signing the card, “Lisa Smith, nee Watson” or Mrs. Lisa Smith, nee Watson.” The word “nee” means born a certain name, now using a married name. Or, always nice to have the card from the couple which would be “John and Lisa Smith’. Don’t be so quick to give up your identity! If you are not assuming a married name, sign the card as you usually do or from both of you.

And that’s it for thank you notes.  It’s really not that hard.  Just be polite, on time and courteous.  Make sure you try to make each one individual and heartfelt.  And have fun!

Here is the promised link to my Pinterest Wedding Note inspiration Board with a good critique of thank you cards and notes!